I'm surprised by how many people have used my music. I don't know whether to be happy or sad.

안타깝기도 하고 야속하기도 하고 미안하기도 하고 화가 나기도 한다.

In short,

내게는 ‘무료 사용 권리’를 계속해서 보장할 책임이 있다고 한다. 이 주장의 근거는
Firstly, because I said so, and
Secondly, because they used my music believing this claim.

But I want to ask.

Is free use a right?

Since you probably won't read this anyway, I will write down my honest feelings as they are.

1

I started YouTube to communicate through music. I met truly grateful people, people who are still the light of my life.

I often received inquiries about using my songs. An idea came to me: 'What if I let people use my songs for free?'

2

As the channel became known, problems arose. I had to handle all the inquiries myself, and it took too much time and effort to manage them by email. So I created a website, wrote down some simple instructions, and made the music files available for download whenever.

At this time, My YouTube channel monetization was not possible, and the expenses for operating the website were quite burdensome, so I started selling music licenses for commercial use on the music download page. I made about 40 songs, and the price was 19,800 won. I set the license price so low because I knew better than anyone how difficult the situation was for small creators.

However, I still maintained that it could be used royalty-free for public interest purposes such as education, competitions, and YouTube videos (including monetization). Composing was something I did because I enjoyed it, and I wanted to make it available to those who needed it.

3

The channel grew bigger. Inquiries increased, but license purchases did not. Fixed operating costs increased, but license sales remained around or sometimes below the maintenance cost. What I drew was an ideal.

But I also met a lot of good people.

4

I had a lot of thoughts. I always paid to see or use other people's works (even if they offered them for free), so at first, it was difficult to understand the phenomenon I was facing. But I decided to acknowledge and accept reality.

5

Inquiries about usage permission increased. Reading questions, answering, and guiding may not seem difficult, but it wasn't for me. Because I was dealing with people, I was always nervous and careful.

I spent more and more time responding. I started YouTube to communicate through music, but I was spending less and less time on it, which was ironic. The number of subscribers increased, but my energy and motivation decreased. My activity gradually decreased.

6

I wanted to let go of everything. I did it a few times. But I couldn't because I was worried that people who used my music (even if it was free) would be harmed. After more than a year of not being able to put a period, I decided that if I continued like this, I would lose my heart from composing forever. I sold the songs.

I didn't feel relieved, I just felt like I did something terrible. I stayed up all night with my eyes open.

7

In a state of extreme loss, I began to write a notice. There will be problems with future use, but there is no problem with the past profits, and there are also solutions. I know and understand this, but my heart doesn't feel any better. Anyway, my decision will inconvenience many people.

8

Nevertheless, there were still people who supported me.

I express my gratitude with all my heart.

9

예상은 했지만, ‘무료라는 걸 믿고 사용했는데 어떻게 이럴 수 있냐’는 반응을 직접 마주하게 되니 마음이 아팠다.

It is true that the sudden transfer of copyright is irresponsible. But I'm not sure if I had a better option. For the past five years, I have been selling licenses that guarantee all rights, but few people were interested in them.

내가 모르는 사이에, 무료 사용은 어느새 ‘암묵적 계약’이 되어 있었다.

10

내가 어떤 말을 한다 한들, 결국 이것이 내 책임이 될 거라는 걸 안다. ‘그렇게 힘들면 말을 했어야지!’ ‘너도 무료 사용으로 채널이 알려지는 이익을 봤잖아, 이제와서!’

But the truth is, I don't want to provide my music while demanding charity. Anyone with a soul would feel the same. And it didn't matter whether the channel became known or not. This is the truth. My creative purpose was in communication, and profit was secondary. It's not like I made much profit anyway.

Because profit was not the goal, I could continue composing. If profit had been my goal, I would never have been able to continue until now, and if so, I would be happier than anyone else.

But I'm not.

11

I've been carrying the burden of my heart for over a year, so now I let it go.

I will go back to the beginning and continue my original purpose.

I will focus on communicating with the language of my heart: music. And I will take care of my people.

It's okay to be called irresponsible.

It's up to me to decide who to be irresponsible to, and I've already decided.

To those who love my music, and to everyone who reads this, thank you.
I will continue to communicate through music and move forward with you.
I understand that misunderstandings and criticisms may arise in this process. But this is not important.
I love music, and I will also love you who love music.

That is all.

These are the diaries I'm posting because it's a waste to keep them to myself.

난… ㄱ ㅏ 끔…
눈물을 흘린 ㄷ ㅏ….

I'm a little embarrassed though, but I hope I can bring you at least a little laughter.

Records from 2019

Record of March 31, 2019
How to Overcome a Slump

There are times when I can't concentrate on anything,
It's hard to prioritize the things I need to do,
and everything feels unpleasant.
That's right, a slump has arrived.

Based on my experience, slumps seem to come when I try to do too many things at once.
So, should I say it's a kind of panic state?
Someone who isn't me constantly gives instructions in my head,
I lose my way and sit down.

And I keep escaping into sleep.
Because if I get out of bed, there are things to solve.

This month, I did broadcasting, YouTube, and blogging,
It seems that doing three things at the same time and consistently is still too much for me.

…

What I need now is to control the speed,
and create a routine that allows me to concentrate stably even when the environment changes.
Keep the urgency, but adjust and try it step by step, according to my speed and environment.

I can do it.
I have always done.

Record of June 23, 2019
I've felt it before, but I realized again that details are important in music. I need to invest time every day to study piano.

Record of September 8, 2019
Modify the drums that come with the pad in the beginning
Modify piano phrases.

Record of September 22, 2019
100 subscribers

Record of October 21, 2019
YouTube Ideas:
The 2019 Year in Review

Version 2 songs
Goals achieved this year
Things I wish I'd done better

Record of October 22, 2019
Modify the intro piano part (it might be good to take it out to another song)
Change the drums in the second verse

Record of October 23, 2019
A Thousand Stars

Record of October 24, 2019
To the End of Dawn

2019년 10월 25일의 기록
Record of October 25, 2019
Make version 2 for each song Remake Like Rain Falling in a Gray City

Record of October 29, 2019
20:47:52
How to apply reverb clarity?

20:17:07
Add delay piano to the middle synth pad part

20:14:58
Add arpeggio to the intro piano accompaniment

Record of November 1, 2019
06:10:06
Reduce bass sound

Record of November 5, 2019
Wrote a new song
I overcame the slump that seemed like it would never end. It's a new feeling to see another song added to the playlist.
Why couldn't I write songs during that time? Because I was tired? Because there was no stimulation?

Record of November 6, 2019
Completed Enigma
I named the new song Enigma. I like it. And someone contacted me saying that they used my song and won an award in a video contest. It seems people are watching my activities.

Record of November 7, 2019
Where Dawn Ends
I finished uploading. So tired. Neither coffee nor tea helps. I need to sleep.

Record of November 10, 2019
The views of "Full Bloom" have increased a lot. What on earth happened?

Record of November 21, 2019
I started studying music theory. It's difficult but fun.

Record of November 24, 2019
Creators are,
People who fight their laziness

Record of November 26, 2019
For my development, when was the time I purely liked something without desire?
I can't remember well. I want to go back to the beginning. To that moment when every part of life was wonderful.

Record of November 27, 2019
Even in the wind that rises in the snowflakes, you
Even in the wind that rises in the snowflakes, swaying
Song of a Forgotten Season

Sometimes you just have to keep going.

Record of November 28, 2019
04:41
Slightly modify the last part of the string staccato

05:43
String instruments are played by dividing the parts and stacking them
Example) Violin 1 arpeggio on the left pan, 2 tremolo on the center pan

Record of November 30, 2019
My body condition is strange. I need to watch it carefully for a few days. Reached 290 subscribers!

Record of December 1, 2019
Music and stories that can touch someone's heart

‘이만하면 됐다’ 하는 생각이 들 때가 바로 발전의 순간이다. 그 순간 멈추지 않고 계속해서 시도하다보면 길이 열린다. 전에는 좀처럼 떠올리지 못했던, 새로운 무엇이.

Record of December 2, 2019
Not 'how can I make people like it',
But 'how can I give people a special experience?'

Record of December 4, 2019
Reached 300 subscribers

Record of December 9, 2019
06:21
Modify drum and bass damping
Modify piano right-hand melody

07:10

“이 순간에 영원히 머무르고 싶어.
Even if all the lights in the world go out and darkness comes
우리는 별이 될 수 없으니까”

” 가끔은 너무 힘들어.
It seems like no one knows I'm here.
Even if I shout out loud, no one looks back
망망대해를 외로이 떠도는 섬,
그게 바로 나인 것 같아. “

눈물을 훔치며 하늘을 올려다봤을때,
You were there

왜 이제야 깨달은 걸까?
Even after this night passes
You will smile like nothing happened,
Like always

그래, 그게 내가 밤을 두려워하지 않는 이유야
그게 내가 이 밤을 두려워하지 않는 이유야

Record of December 17, 2019
07:34
Add cymbal ride when the intro string comes out
Modify drum sound

Record of December 18, 2019
04:54
At least let's check the videos of the people who used my music.

05:08
혼자 듣는 곡은 ‘이만하면 됐지’ 했는데
The moment I uploaded it to a public place, I thought this wouldn't do.
I put my heart and soul into writing songs to match the videos that are made with sincerity.

The value adds its power as it is shared.

05:58
Windflower
Evergreen
Rowboat
Dawn Harbor

06:02
The song of the sea, wind, waves, and stars

06:18
Infinitely blue horizon (Beyond)

18:51
As I get older, the only thing that increases is the skill of picking fault.

Record of December 19, 2019
Every work in the world is like a mirror.
Whatever I see in, it is a mirror that reflects the landscape of my heart.

Record of December 23, 2019
07:22
A work that captures the landscape of the heart

Record of December 25, 2019
05:07
Sometimes, I need comfort from someone who doesn't know me at all

Record of December 26, 2019
05:15
우울함은 막다른 골목 끝 음침하게 웅크리고 있는 어둠이다. 불 꺼진 방 안, 잠을 청하려 할 때 찾아오는 숨막히는 침묵. 그건 늘 나를 거꾸러지게 만든다.

When depression is about to start, I read a book to clear my thoughts. I wish I could read it with a refreshing feeling, but I pick up a book in a state of unpleasantness.

마구 선택한 책이 곽재식 작가님의 ‘작가 특보’다. 솔직히 말해, 남들은 힘들어할 때 어떻게 그 시기를 보내는지 알고 싶었다. 더군다나 ‘작가’ 특보가 아닌가. 글쓰기는 항상 고민하는 주제고 지금의 나에겐 가장 흥미있는 분야다. 반년이 넘게 매달리고 있지만 아직도 방향을 잡지 못했다. 이쯤 되면 즐기는 게 아닌가 싶을 정도로. 어쨌든 아득바득 이를 갈며 다들 이런 알량함을 가지고 있는가 찾아보려고 애를 썼지만, 솔직한 속내를 드러내보이기엔 다들 너무 잘났고, 너무 멀어서 손이 닿지 않는 곳에 있다. 좋다. 지금 내게 필요한 건 그런 말들이 아니다. ‘유혹하는 글쓰기’, ‘뼛속까지 내려가서 써라’는 정말 좋아하는 책들이지만, 지금 보면 눈이 멀어버릴 것 같다.

…

머리가 아프다. 그야말로 고행의 길이 아닌가. 그런데 대체 왜 웃음이 나오는 걸까? 가장 돈을 못 버는 직업 50위 안, 너무 웃긴다.
자칭 뼛속까지 ‘생계형 작가’ 라는 작가님은 기발함과 겸손으로 다치지 않게 배려해준다.

It's like saying this.

어때? 웃기지? 그런데 이게 앞으로 네가 걸어야 할지도 모르는 길이야. 정말 이 길을 걸을 수 있겠어? 잘 생각해봐. 안녕히 가세요, 아니면, 어서와.

Record of December 28, 2019
07:19
Life may be

It can't be reached by car or plane
오직 걸어서만 도달할 수 있는 그 어딘가를 향해 나아가는
기나긴 여정 그 자체일지도 모르겠습니다.

Pain lets me feel that I'm alive
사랑은 내가 왜 살아 있는가를 알게 해준다고 하지요.

그러니 이 긴 여정 속에서 그대의 마음을 움직이는 무언가를 만난다면
누구도 다시는 그렇게 하지 못할 것처럼
온 힘을 다해 사랑해주세요.
다른 누군가가 아닌 오직 그대 스스로를 위해
but only for yourself Please do so.

Even if the anguish, pain,
고통과 참담함이 어느 순간
At some point, it may break you

You are still
무언가를 사랑할 수 있는 존재라는 사실만큼은
That It never changes.
기억해 주세요.

나는 그대의 이름도 얼굴도 모르지만
그대에게 받은 사랑으로부터
살아감에 대한 의지를 불태우고
As I searched for meaning
May you also do so

Without signposts or maps
On this long journey,
I hope you don't hurt too much.

The things that I accepted naturally,
Like breathing when I was a child
Why do I close my heart as I get older,
Thinking of them as embarrassing or ridiculous?

The loss in the name of maturity
어른이 되어가는 과정이라 받아들이며

As a crowd in this gray city
Are we burying many things...

무언가를 이루기 위해서라고 끊임없이 되뇌면서도
매일 마주하는 일상의 소음과 복잡함 속에서
We get lost.

Feel everything, but don't hold on to anything
In meeting and parting
This life will eventually be on my side
The fierce wind that shakes the fragile branches and passes by, even if there is no day to sleep in that wind,
There may come a day when we can talk about it with a smile.